omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
