If that was your dad, he is hot
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
