Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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