can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
