i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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