I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
