Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
