standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
