Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
