Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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