Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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