I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
