Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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