I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
