I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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