y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
