he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
