So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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