if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
sex in a hospital.. check
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
