I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
