I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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