woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
