glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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