She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
