our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
