She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
zippers are such a cool invention
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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