Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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