Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
