what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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