Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wish there were birth control emojis
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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