So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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