Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
