wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
