My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
why is half of my head shaved?
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