If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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