I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
