Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
