you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
