Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
They took my balls.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
