Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
