pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
