Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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