I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
