Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
