you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
