Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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