Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
