Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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