I want to make a zoo with you.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
