just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
